There’s something special about going out and cutting down your very own Christmas Tree. Instead of Lizzo’s “Good As Hell” it’s Young Jeffrey’s “Woodsy Smell”

That Christmas knock-off
Thin and Frail,
Branches always squeakin’
It’s the Tree from Hell!
Came boxed
In the mail
Top part is missing
Just like Chippendales!

Yule Tide! Doesn’t feel as magic
Pullin down a fake tree, from the attic,
Dust mites, clinging to the static…
Charlie Brown’s like: “Good Grief, that’s tragic”

Go on and bastardize!
Decorate your living room with lies!
When you touch the Leaves, they don’t Feel Right
More synthetic than, the Real Housewives!

So get rid of that Green Eyesore!
Let’s Deforest the Great Outdoors!

Don’t want no tree lot!
Walmart sale,
Gonna keep it real,
Go Au Naturale!
Take Off
Hike a Trail
Maybe cross a Stream
Like a Man-ly Male (woo!)
Feel like Bear Grylls!
Living off of nature!
Maybe eat a Snail?!

Wooo Girl, Got my Flannel and boots
Even Brawny Man’s jealous, of the threads that i use,
I’m a Lumberjack, with the big ax attitude…
Like a hair stylist, gettin’ up in dem roots

Simple as swiping right
I’m just tryna’ find a shrub I like!
When it comes to trees, I got a type
Even if it takes all freakin’ night!

And once I spot the perfect score,
It’s way too big for my RAV-4!

I like ‘em big, tall,
sap as well,
Bushy as the 80s,
With the Woodsy Smell!
Full, Lush
Shapely Belle
Cardi B in Tree form
Lookin’ Thicc as Hell!
Clean, Pure
Piney smell!
Like a Car Freshner
Hits the nostrils well!
Trudge on
Up the Hill
Kids are losing interest,
Looking bored as Hell!

(Wind noises)
*Shiver*.. Yeaa!

Alright kids, Listen….
All Christmas Long our Hearts will soar!
Cleaning pine needles off our floor!

Got my gloves on,
Doesn’t help,
Fingers losing feelin’
Cuz it’s cold as Hell!
Turn Right,
Wait, No Left?
Was that Boulder here before?
Now we’re Lost as Hell!
Stay Calm,
Let me think,
Open Google Maps,
The Reception’s Hell!
Ohhh crap,
This is bad,
Where’s the North Star at?
Please, Someone HELP! (Hello?)
We’ve got zero Cell!
Real Family Christmas
With the Woodsy Smell!

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